


What I think

by JayPi



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 14:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18703765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayPi/pseuds/JayPi
Summary: To Kat: Joonam. Please don't forget me...





	What I think

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST FIC EVER
> 
> Always wanted to do it but I suck at writing BUT is said "WHAT the hell ... who cares anyway!?"
> 
> This is just a fragment of how I think Adena would handle season 3. Still I want to emphasize that this was influenced my subjective thoughts, I don't REALLY know how she feels... I'm not special that way :) 
> 
> It's not good, but you can read it if you want. The Kadena fanfics are going through a drought at the moment; might as well taste the droplets coming your way.

I've always been a mover. I can't stay in the same place for a long time. I can't be in the same company for too long. I need to be able to leave... whenever I want to.

This quality in humans could be defined as selfish but for me it's the most selfless thing I could do. I love my own mind, my own space; it's where my inspiration comes from, in those moments of selfishness.

I never thought that I'd ever stay in the same place for as long as I did, but I did. And I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Hi, my name is Adena El-Amin but if you're reading this you probably know who I am. (Not in the narcissistic way, it's just facts.)

You're probably pissed at The Bold Type writers. You're waiting for me to make my season 3 debut and it's taking longer than you need it to take. You're probably praying that Kat does not love Tia more than she loved me. You're probably missing the quality of representation I brought to The Bold Type. You probably even thinking that I'm one of the most beautiful woman world (LOL... You're words not mine).

I just wanted to tell you something.

I know when you see Kat, you see me. When you see Kat you're practically looking for me, you can't stretch you're neck further enough in your search to find me hiding somewhere in your screen. But I'm not there anymore... I'll probably make one more appearance, two if you're lucky. But the Adena El-Amin that you know is not there anymore.

That's just it. I've changed. Just like you changed from the person you were 3 years ago. Change is inevitable...it's natural...It deconstructs, it builds, it improves, it strengthens... there's probably nothing that Change can't do.

I had to leave Kat. I needed to leave Kat. Not because I don't love her anymore (God how I love that woman) but because it was instinctual. I'm an artist. The value of life is the currency I live by and I felt from within me that the value of my life was not enough for Kat to live on. She needed to live, to see the world without rose-coloured glasses and she needed to to see that there was life beyond what can be seen... She had to do this, without me. So that once she'd have changed the world she'd know it was because of everything she experienced and not because of everything I did.

I know that's not what you want to hear. But it's the truth.

Imagine you did not go through that emo phase in high school, you would not have understood people who said that life was not worth living. Imagine you were as straight as an arrow, it would be a little bit harder to understand someone when they start their sentence with saying "I've always known I was different"'. 

The thing is, we all go through hell for the experience. We need to burn so we can be moulded. We need to be beat to make sure we are strong enough to appreciate the person we intrinsically are. Cause at the end of the day, that's all we really have. Our worthy, understanding, moulded and strong selves... If we treat ourselves and the process right.

So back to the reason I wrote this.

I just wanted to tell you... let's not be that hard on Kat. She's doing her thing. She's becoming so much stronger than she ever thought she'd be. She's growing. She's getting the message across. She's starting the conversation. She's understanding why we live. She's seeing the worth in her cause. She's being moulded by the lives of others. She's doing what she needs to be doing right now. Without me.

Now don't get me wrong, Kat is mine. Mine. Mine. And not in the possessive sense. In the sense that when God was creating her... He was thinking of me. And when He created me, He was thinking of her. We fit perfectly. She makes so happy, I can't even explain how happy she makes me. The best attempt at explaining how happy she makes me would be... remember the first time you discovered gay content and you felt like you never needed sleep again because that's all you need to keep breathing. I feel like that just by knowing she's still on the same planet as me.  
We were made for each other. 

I needed to say that because you're probably not going to like what I'm going to say next.

Appreciate Tia. For some of you this will be easier than for others. Appreciate the fact that she believes in Kat. In her ability to change the world and help others see the world as it should be and not just as it (Yes, I watched glee. Santana, hey... ;)) Appreciate her because she's black, yes we should take a moment for that because the writers could have done worse. Appreciate her because it's what she deserves. Let's not hate something that we don't understand. We are all in the dark about the future, we might as well appreciate what can be seen in the moment.

As for me. I don't fully know what's going to happen with me. The only thing I am sure of is that I'm unsure of everything. I'm only sure about things I'm hopeful for. I'm hopeful that I'll create art that touches people. I'm hopeful that one day we'll live in a world full of love rather than hate. I'm hopeful that I'll grow spiritually and that I'll allow myself to be as understanding and I want others to be and FINALLY. I'm hopeful that I get to be with Kat Edison in this lifetime again; if not... maybe in the next one, what do you say Kat? I love you, my love. I hope you know that.

I should probably stop talking now. But one last thing. Love yourself. Love yourself to the point where you think there is something wrong with you. Because only when you truly love yourself will you be able to love others even when it takes time for them to love you... Love! Love! Love! 

To Kat: Joonam. Please don't forget me, but it's okay if you let me go if you need to. Just don't forget me.

**Author's Note:**

> Joonam = My Soul
> 
> Imagine being called "My Soul" 
> 
> Wow wow wow
> 
> PEACE, LOVE AND LIGHT to everyone reading this!
> 
> I honestly don't expect anything... NADA (Yep, I watched the Juliantina clips, Spanish lessons coming through) JK. I knew what NADA meant before Juli and Val.
> 
> Anyway...


End file.
